...

i am encountering a huge life change soon and i wish it wasn't so difficult. my heart is heavy, i feel alone, and i feel like people aren't respecting my needs at all. like i can't be spending or taking huge health risks because i'm strictly saving and also just disabled as fuck. i feel alienated from everyone and exhausted.

i have been spending a lot of time alone and have been really understanding that i just cannot bear to be around people who don't add to my life. it feels like no one i meet adds to my life, only subtracting from it. like with several former friends they just... their absence has changed nothing. i don't know if anything i say makes sense, since i'm just typing away stream-of-consciousness style, but tldr; i feel like shit.

piss and poop. my heart hurts. haha.